Warning: This post does contain my political views. If you do not wish to read them, please do not read or stop reading after the section about my AA.
Again this year, for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) I tried to write a novel. I didn’t get very far, especially because I was also trying to get my daily flash fiction writings done (success!) and keep up with life in general (I survived the month so successful again). Definitely had to fail somewhere though, and for the fourth year in a row now, that failure came from not finishing my novel (which is a bummer because I was really excited to get one done. I haven’t scrapped the story though, and plan to get back into writing it soon.
Again with the hair. Wanted to do a quick update. I had a new doctor this month, well a RN I think (I’m terrible with what medical terms are) but he was nice. I now have another patch, this one on my left temple, bringing my total up to four. The one on my right temple got larger, but the top of my head has about 30% regrowth. The spot on my left is still small, and I’m hoping it will stay that way! I’ve mostly stopped crying about the hair loss. I’m still pretty bitter about the whole thing, but I’m starting to accept it (months later). I am, however, glad to know that there’s some regrowth going on and I’m trying very hard to stay positive, but it’s a difficult order to fill.
This Thanksgiving, I had a very strange, very upsetting political conversation with my family that resulted in me storming off into the night. I do feel bad about leaving, but finding out what I learned proved more upsetting than I imagined. There were members of my family, family that I see often, that were able to justify themselves turning a blind eye on issues that I find to be very important. See, I’m a supporter of the #BlackLivesMatter movement, and most of the equality things that surround it. When I found that they weren’t I tried to understand why, but whenever I tried to explain my reasons, explain that the “all lives matter” is a way to sweep the situation under the rug, I was outnumbered and spoken over. Since my immediate family, mother, father, brother and close friends all have similar thoughts on the matter, seeing the spike in violent hate crimes, seeing the percentages of unnecessary deaths to blacks compared to other ethnicities, I couldn’t quite get why anyone living in a large metropolitan area couldn’t see it. When they told me that “everyone struggles, if you want to get out of a bad situation bad enough, you just pull yourselves up by your bootstraps and do it,” my heart sank. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was, to me, like telling a rape victim that she wanted it, that she had it coming. Not quite the discussion I wanted to have over the Thanksgiving turkey.
Looking back, I don’t think I walked out because of their views, I’ve had civil enough conversations with enough people of opposing viewpoints to be able to have a discussion. It was a combination of learning the intolerance of my close family (and trust me, they made a few rather shockingly racist comments) the realization that I wouldn’t be able to bring some of my closest friends to large family gatherings without scrutiny for things about them they were born having, and the fact that my opinion was being drown out and ignored, with no area to give my reasoning or express my opinions/beliefs. It’s very frustrating to be told you’re fundamentally wrong and given no opportunity to defend or explain your beliefs.
Note: This post’s upload time/date was edited to fit into the scheduled posting timeline.